let's pretend none of this ever happened

humbled

2005-10-08T04:12:53Z

take solace in the fact that you are not alone.

hey.

2005-06-23T04:10:16Z

http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2005-06-22-flag-burning_x.htm

anyone wanna burn a flag while we're still legally allowed to? come on. flag burning party. let's go.

web design/development

2005-06-21T17:03:37Z

if by any chance you need a web site or know someone who does, check out haffej.com to see what i can do for you, or pass on the address to anyone who might be interested. thanks!

i'm open to ideas, here

2005-06-08T20:28:25Z

i just wanted to let you all know that we have squirrels living somewhere in our house, such that they come out from under the dishwasher, jump/climb onto the counter, open the cabinets, jump into the cabinets, and eat my rolls. tricky little bastards. the mice weren't as smart. but i don't know how the fuck we're supposed to catch these things. so i'm going to get drunk now. good day.

damn hell i'm bored!

2005-03-13T00:31:03Z

that oughtta keep you crack whores at bay.

it's just logical.

2004-12-10T16:51:07Z

you know, maybe i'm going about this all wrong, but i think we can simplify the gift-giving process at christmas. granted, it would take out the surprise effect, and it negates the underlying idea of gift-giving (being to give people things you think they might like that they wouldn't have gotten or even thought of getting for themselves), but aren't you sick of shopping for things for people when you don't really feel like you know their interests? and don't you hate getting things that you end up putting in your closet a week after you receive them? seems of such a waste of someone's generosity.

if you're going to exchange gifts someone, why don't you just.... not. if you were going to spend money on them, and they were going to spend money on you, then just agree that, in effect, the gift has been given. keep your money and put it toward something you need. sounds selfish doesn't it? i'm not going to give you a gift if you don't give me a gift, then i'll buy myself something i like. call it selfish if you want, but it makes sense. if you agree on this with someone enough ahead of time, you can even go out, buy yourself what you want, and then bring it when you usually exchange gifts, and show everyone what you bought yourself. you might want to agree on a gift price ahead of time so that you don't end up showing someone a pair of $5 socks while the other person buys a yacht. "what, are you saying you would have only spent $5 on me you cheap bastard!?" if you determine a price, then the buyer then knows that any amount spent more is like spending from his/her own pocket, while spending less means the remainder can go toward something else.

type type type! whew

2004-12-09T17:28:28Z

i haven't updated in a long time. i've basically been doing the same shit for the past 3 months. music, web programming, and drinking beer.

go to http://www.neversayneveronline.com/ for the music stuff. you might be impressed.

and now, because i feel like spending an excessive amount of time on something i will probably give up on halfway through:

1. What's your favorite type of music? metal. plain and simple. speaking of, the most influential guitarist to me was shot and killed on stage last night.
2. Would you rather stay at home or go out? depends. i'll readily do either... usually.
3. What is your favorite 'fast food' restaurant? wendy's of course. fuckin' blows away mcdonald's. unfortunately the closest one at the moment is like a 20 minute drive away.
4. What is your favorite restaurant? olive garden and outback are great, but my menu selections at those places tend to be almost the same every time since i don't go very often.
5. How much do you think about the opposite sex? i'll keep a tally today and get back to you on this one, but i'm guessing it's whatever is in the range of "normal".
6. What's your favorite toothpaste? i have no preference. whatever makes my mouth taste minty and clean.
7. What kind of grades do you make? i don't make grades, i get them. but not anymore. i had a 3.7 through college, with a couple C's bunch of B's and an F scattered in there.
8. If you could go anywhere where would you go? "if" doesn't really apply to me, because i probably could go just about anywhere i wanted, if i set my mind to it. so i guess right here, right now, is fine with me.
9. How many people do you live with? 2. a 23 year-old student teacher, and a 40-something real estate agent. but soon to be family. and then with jim and a bunch of other random dudes.
10. What is your favorite sport(s)? favorite sport to play was probably soccer. then hockey. then baseball. ah shit, i don't know, i liked them all the same.
11. What color lip gloss do you usually wear? bright red. brings out my blue eyes... stupid fucking question.
12. Coke or Pepsi? pepsi, asshole.
13. What's the last thing you bought from a Pharmacy? if my memory is correct, it was antivert for when i had vertigo about 15 months ago. that sucked.
14. When do you usually go to bed? it varies. anywhere from 11:30pm to 5:30am, depending on the day and the activities.
15. Do you attend church? fuck jesus no.
16. How many friends do you have? some. but probably not enough.
17. What do you want to be when you're "older"? dead. ahah.
18. What's your favorite PJ's? i don't wear "PJ's" just shorts and a t-shirt.
19. What's your favorite thing to do? if there was ONE favorite thing to do, i would rarely not be doing it. correct? guitar, song writing, web programming, drinking beer, etc. etc.
20. What color hair do you have? i consider it light brown now, but people still say i'm blonde; apparently they didn't see pics of me when i was younger. THAT was blonde.
21. Do you sing well? hell no. if i could i would probably be doing that instead of guitar. maybe.
22. Have you ever been in love? yea. interesting, huh?
23. Would you eat a cockroach for $500? sure, that's a month's rent plus a little extra. give it here.
24. Are you afraid of the dark? for the most part no. on occasion i get a little jumpy, but then i tell myself to stop being such a wuss, and then i'm fine.
25. Are you bored? yea, somewhat. why do you think i started this in the first place?
26. Where's the last place you've been? you mean, away from the house? i think it was stop & shop. first time i went food shopping in about a month.
27. Do you wear a lot of black? yes. everything goes with black.
28. Do you get along with your parents? yes. sometimes i have a really hard time understanding their interests, motives, etc. though
29. Do you live in the country, burbs, or city? i'll just go with country. that's including hyde park, littleton, and durham for the next 6 months.
30. Have you ever egged a house? no, but i've toilet papered. well, we only toilet papered a tree, actually, so i guess that's a no.
31. Do you go hunting (deer,duck,etc)? no way. one time when i was about 10 i was way out in the backyard with a bb gun that shot pointy pellets. i shot a squirrel in a tree, it made an odd fluttering noise, and i think i heard it fall on the leaves on the ground. at that time i decided the whole animal-killing thing was not for me.
32. Do you support P.E.T.A.? i don't know shit about peta.
33. Do people think you're crazy? probably more weird than crazy. crazy hits the list a few times, though.
34. Have you ever drowned a fish? how long does that take?? of course not.
35. How many songs do you know all the words to? probably not as many as i think i do.
36. Do you listen to The Beatles? hahaha.
37. Do you listen to Eminem? what?
38. Do you know anyone who thinks they're Eminem? if i did, i would make a concerted effort to NOT know them anymore.
39. Do you read books often? i always think i'll read, but no... no. i hardly ever read books now that i'm out of college.
40. Do you strive to fit in? no way. i can't be something i'm not. i've tried, and i'm really bad at it.
41. Fave gum? extra spearmint?
42. Do you snore? i think i do when lying on my back, but otherwise no.
43. Are you afraid of thunderstorms? of course! who isn't? but it's a good, in-awe fear. who knows whether lightning will find it's way to your head?
44. Do you care what you look like? yea. have you seen my beard? no.
45. Is your hair color fake? why didn't you ask this back when you asked what color my hair is? next question.
46. Whacha wearing? this is becoming trite.
47. Do you 'fall in love' easily? okay that's a little better. and the answer is no.
48. What attracts you most to the opposite sex? i have to go with smile. then... eyes. but it's a package deal. someone could have a great smile and eyes, but if the rest sucks, that's not going to make a difference, now is it?
49. What's your favorite cologne? deodorant is my cologne.
50. What's your favorite perfume? i don't think i've ever smelled one i didn't like. so any. all. whatever. i mean, assuming it's on a girl.
51. Do you like roller coasters? no, and i don't think anyone else should, either.
52. Have you ever flown in a airplane? yea, a handful of times. can't say i enjoy it much.
53. What size are your shoes? 12.
54. Do you wear make-up? on my ass.
55. Have you ever gone bungee jumping? nope.
56. Ever been to Paris? nope.
57. Do you believe in Vampires? hahaha. no. do you?
58. If you could become a Vampire, would you? now why the hell would i do that?
59. Would you call yourself normal? depends on the arena.
60. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? not that i recall.
61. Do you eat seafood? no. about 10 years ago or so, i was eating one of those fried haddock patty things that you throw in the oven, and it had bones all in it. fuckin disgusting. fuck you seafood. i'll eat shrimp when i'm drunk and starving though.
62. Do you drink a lot or at all? i think this question needs to be refined. we all DRINK. but i'm assuming you mean alcohol, in which case i have to say a lot. i can't even count how many empty bottles and cans are waiting to be returned. there must be at least a couple hundred.
64. Have you ever lit yourself on fire? not like engulfed myself in flames, no, but i've purposely burnt my hand with a cigarette before. had to try the whole masochism thing out, you know?
65. How many people do you trust with your life? very few. actually i don't know if i really trust anyone with my life. but that trust has never been tested, so it's hard to say.
66. Are you considered intelligent? by whom? 4th graders? professors? peers? well... i think yes, regardless.
67. Do you talk on the phone a lot? no. no i don't.
68. How often do you take a shower? not often enough. i think i'm going on about 3 days now. but i've been sick and lazy. that's my excuse.
69. What kind of bodywash do you use? the kind that comes in a bar and is simply referred to as "soap"
70. What's your favorite candy bar? i hardly ever eat candy bars, but if i get the urge for one, it's usually a snickers.
71. Ever got a detention? at least one, in 8th grade. we were supposed to be doing work, and lots of people were talking about random bullshit, so he said no talking. i turned around and asked the guy behind me a question about the work we were doing, and he gave me a detention. i plead my case because i was being responsible, but he didn't care. he was setting an example of me. whatever. i had to wash his chalkboard - er... marker board? took 5 minutes, then i left.
72. Ever been suspended? nope.
73. Which is better: Punk or Prep? neither is better. preps are snotty elitists, punks embrace their non-preppy selves and defy authority and trends just to do it and stand out. get over yourselves, people.
74. Ever blew a beverage out your nose? ahhhhh. no.
75. Do you like jaw breakers? not really. unless i'm bored.
76. What theme is your room? "random poster here, random poster there" is that considered a theme?
77. What's your worst personality trait? being argumentative. i make people uncomfortable by challenging their beliefs.
78. Do you have any medical problems? you know, not that i have any embarrassing medical problems, but if i did, a lj survey certainly wouldn't be the place where i'd openly discuss them.
79. Are you listening to anything? yea. music. and the water running through the heater pipes.
80. What's the last movie you've watched? 12 monkeys. weird shit. die humans.
81. Who do you fight with a lot? susan. heh.
82. Do you talk too much? no. not enough, i bet people would say.
83. Ever fell asleep in class? yea, i'm sure i dozed off a couple times, but i never fell asleep fell asleep...
84. Sneakers or open-toed shoes? open-toed shoes? waiiiiiiit is this survey meant for chicks? now that i think about it, with the lipgloss question... wtf.
85. Can you do a cartwheel? let me check, brb. ......................... no.
86. Ever been camping? yea, lots of times. now the word camping coincides with "fire" and "drunk" though.
87. What's the most adventurous thing you've done? at this point, i guess i'd have to say making a road trip out to minnesota with one other friend.
88. Do you smoke cigarettes? yep. want one? i'm going to have one when i finish this. join me.
89. Indoors out outdoors? winter = indoors, summer = outdoors. don't try to make me pick, jerk.
90. Do you know how to cook? if by "cook" you mean "turn on the oven" i'm a fucking expert.
91. Do you know how to do laundry? yea, and i fucking HATE doing laundry more than anything.
92. When you get a pizza, how many slices do you eat? usually 3, sometimes 2 or 4.
93. How much do you weigh? i don't know, 180-185. which i consider fat, since i'm entirely out of shape.
94. How tall are you? about 6'
95. Do you watch the superbowl? not usually. i have nothing to gain by watching the superbowl.
96. What's your least favorite color? maybe... olive?
97. What brand name do you wear most? *looks at clothes* i don't even know the brand names of anything i wear.
98. What do you normally watch on TV? i normally don't watch tv, since i don't have a tv. but that'll change when i move out of this place. then it'll be things like seinfeld, everybody loves ray, family guy, futurama, ...
99. What do you sleep in? a bed. full size. which is in a house.
100. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera? you know, ... i don't give a shit. i don't like either of them.
101. Spiderman or Batman? spiderman seems to have the better skills. what does batman have besides that car and a grappling hook on his belt?
102. Have you ever broken a bone? i fractured my left pinky finger in junior high. kept me out of basketball for 4 weeks.
102. A scent that makes you smile? i can't fucking smell anything right now, my nose is too busy leaking all over my face.
102. Fave fruit? man, you must have gotten lazy... can't even type out "favorite" anymore. i don't really eat fruit.
103. Fave veggie? ahh, cooked broccoli, i guess. i like green beans, too. and corn.
104. How long did it take you to finish this? perhaps, a half-hour? time for a smoke.

ps. i got through the whole thing.

piss off.

2004-11-19T05:42:29Z

it's entirely inexplicable, really. it's just one of those nights where i'm pissed off at nothing. and not movitated to do anything. and i feel like there is me, and then there is everyone else. that there really are no connections between the two of us, just what has been, but that that has no bearing on the present, and no indication of the future.

i really don't enjoy sleeping. lately i've been going to bed late and getting up relatively early. i think that should be a good sign, knowing that when people are depressed they sleep a lot. well, i sleep less, does that mean i'm really undepressed? or maybe it means i'm worrying too much about something or other. probably how i'm going to support myself financially in the next 4 months or so. not that i'm broke, but i'm bound to be. whatever. it's time to be homeless. who gives a fuck.

by the way, you can duct tape that fake smile.

what's more frustrating than anything, is that people think and feel so much, but you probably only hear about 2% of it. we're that fucking protective of our lives and our thoughts that we choose to remain self-reflective instead of seeking reflection from others because we know they're going to insult and tease us for being who we can't help being. i don't know about the rest of you, but i don't feel like my gut interests and decisions and actions have much basis in my thought processes. it's just what feels right.

it fucking feels good to delete the silent people from my buddy list. take that, you assholes.

haffej @ 2004-11-15T23:46:00

2004-11-16T04:46:00Z

most of you write in your journals far more often than i do.

i suppose this is what it begins to be like once you're out of college and aren't being challenged day in and out with new perspectives and new observations of the wretchedness of humanity.

it's either...

i really don't give a shit.

or...

i don't even know what to think about that anymore.

whereas while in school i felt that i was still developing my foundation of belief, i now act as if that has been taken care of. and i always criticize those who don't seem to be open to new ideas. and now i'm [sort of] one of them.

but i've been productive lately. really. today i worked on rapidculture(.com) for at least 12 hours. insanity, i know.

last week it was all music. and this week seems to be all rapidculture. progress is good. i'm learning a lot. sql joins are fun.

but i'm getting antsy. i want to play a new show. we have a couple possibilities floating around, but i haven't heard much of anything definite.

ahhaha.

2004-11-12T06:16:46Z

mcmahonbro: HAHAH!
haffej: hah!
haffej: bitch.
mcmahonbro: lets get it ON MOTUFFCCCCCCCCCKA!@
haffej: i'm ready
mcmahonbro: shes hot
mcmahonbro: horne
mcmahonbro: y
mcmahonbro: ill send pictures if shes freaky enough
mcmahonbro is away at 12:58:33 AM.
haffej: hah!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from mcmahonbro: AH ha ha ah!

its on now mottttthhA!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

haffej: wtf
haffej: fuck you
haffej: he has HERPES!
mcmahonbro: you fuckin assshole
mcmahonbro returned at 1:03:28 AM.
mcmahonbro: she loookad at that aansd lefT1
mcmahonbro is away at 1:03:59 AM.
haffej: haha are you serious?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from mcmahonbro: its like herdin sheep into a ....barn? wtf.

its just horrible.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and then....

eternallyblue152: what was he talking to you online for if he had a girl in his room
haffej: that's a good question
eternallyblue152: what a lame-o
haffej: lol

cause fuck bush!

2004-11-06T03:24:07Z

in light of the re-election of bush, i have written some lyrics. cause fuck bush. this is for all you liberals out there. the song is fuckin' heavy too.

the fulcrum of existence
your leaders hiding from insistence
draped in shadowed grays, solemn days
lie ahead for the heart of revolution
we were always lost amongst
your piled refuse, scattered
limbs and severed heads
your bleeding hearts, yea they're all dead

we have to stay and fight
for our own contempt
you must not leave it
all behind you again

thirsting for another drink
of sweet sanity divine
your will is not your own
and your demons we shall find
protruding from your soul is
the sign of ill stagnation
we're here to push you out
hear our cries for all salvation

we have to stay and fight
for our own contempt
you must not leave it
all behind you again

revolution
revolution
fight, fight, fight, revolution
fight, fight, fight, revolution go

you're not invicible
just another human slave
to the system, no remorse
now our country we must save
your war and heavy hand
has put you on your throne
just remember it was won
by the faith of thoughtless drones

we have to stay and fight
for our own contempt
you must not leave it
all behind you again

fight
fight
fight
fight

creepy.

2004-10-26T04:34:01Z

nick, i just wanted to let you know that when i went out for a smoke around 12:25am, he was still sweeping.

rip shit up

2004-10-25T03:28:58Z

i'm not sure how many of you give a shit, but...

halloween weekend, jim and i are slated to play 2 (yes, TWO!) shows. saturday we'll be playing at Nolloween -- a show put on by the band Nollpara, where Black Dragon will be the opener before us. if, by chance, anyone is interested in going (and i know none of you are, fuckers), it's at the Eagles Club in Bethlehem, NH, doors open around 7:00pm, $5 cover. oh yea, no booze cause the crowd is likely to be mostly underage. the boozing comes afterward. then sunday -- though this is still indefinite -- we should be playing with Supplication and Angels to Ashes at the Music Clinic in Belmont, NH. we don't really know these guys, but have been emailing back and forth because a few guys in that area (drummer, bassist, vocalist) are interested in what jim and i are doing, and may possibly be interested in forming a band. the show's from 3:00pm to 6:00pm, $5 cover. we'll have cds to give away, and we'll be playing a new song -- "In The Flesh" -- which has vocals. 4 instrumental songs, 2 songs with vocals. should be a fun time. oh yea, no booze at the second show either. man, jim and i are fucked. we're used to the Dutch Treat where everyone's objective seems to be to get drunk and enjoy the music. oh well, i guess music can be good without booze.

for all those interested, jim and i are working on another song, titled "Frailty". at the moment, the song is entirely written and recorded by me, so it's not the final version, but if you're interested in hearing, let me know. the final version will hopefully feature my sister singing the chorus, and jim doing the metal vocals. how's that for contrast? and while i'm giving props to my sister, check out her site and download her songs (and i recommend this to everyone because most of you don't like MY music, so maybe you'll like hers). eternallyblue.com -- look for the music links.

you'll be happy to know that i've begun working on rapidculture again. finally, after a 3+ month absence. you're happy because i'm not being quite so lazy anymore. i'm sure i'll work on it this week, but with the things that need to be ironed out for the weekend, it's not the number 1 priority.

the thrill is gone

2004-10-21T05:33:28Z

the subject is intended for the red sox-yankees series, but i have more interesting things to talk about.

and i know i'm probably just doing things all wrong. or at least you all will say it's my attitude.

(said while chuckling:) but i fucking hate life. i really do.

the moments in my life where i have felt truly happy have been few and far between. i'd like to say it's simply by way of a lack of effort, but for years now, trying to focus on my interests as a route to some degree of happiness has just been entirely unsuccessful.

i hate george bush. i hate violence. i hate love. i hate politics. i hate futile attempts at creativity. it's as if for every one thing that brings you up, there are ten others to bring you down. that's just me, i know. i've seen people who are happy and smile all the time. i know you fuckers are out there, but i don't understand you.

my problem is, i don't really perceive my life as being independent of anything. everything that happens, i should realistically be able to influence or change (should i actually set my mind to it). so because i tend to focus on the negative that exists rather than the positive that is happening to combat the negatives, the influence that is necessary is overwhelming.

that's not always the case though. if i'm speaking with someone who is only being negative, i tend to speak extremely positively and optimistically. so generally speaking, in my own head, negative outweighs positive.

and i have no focus, anyway. you wouldn't believe how hard i had to force myself to rake the entire front lawn this morning. about 5 minutes in, i was breathing heavily and wondering why i gave a shit. 20 minutes in, still tired, but getting into the flow. by minute 195, i must have been numb. it literally was the biggest thing i've set my mind to accomplish since, perhaps, graduation. i mean, i've written several songs since then, but that's adrenaline, that's passion, that's not a project to me. that's therapy.

what the fuck am i trying to say? this is all why i'm jobless. why i don't know where i'm living come december. why i don't know what projects to take on. perhaps why i lack very deep, meaningful relationships?

my roommate the arsonist

2004-10-18T20:06:35Z

we were at a frat saturday night, nick, jim and i, with travis and his friend erica. we were chilling on the roof most of the night, keeping an eye on the slaughter of the red sox. we decided to head to the basement because that seemed to be where th party was building up. i was drunk, so i was dancing like an idiot. it was pretty dark down there, so someone used a lighter to look for an outlet for one of the lights. nick assisted him by using his lighter. the other guy gave up, but nick continued looking. soon enough, i noticed jim and nick in a conversation with a guy who claimed that nick should leave because he was trying to set his house on fire. the three of us contested him, saying nick was looking for an outlet, that he wasn't the first to do it, that there was nothing to get bent out of shape over. when i heard his claim that nick was trying to set the house on fire, i couldn't believe it. at all. i directly asked him several times, "why in the world would we try to set the house on fire where we all are partying?" he couldn't muster a good enough answer, he just wanted us out. so rather than fuel the fire and perhaps have the whole of the frat guys kicking our asses, we decided to leave. we're standing outside discussing how absurd of a scenario that was when the guy comes outside and tells us we have to leave their property and that we need to keep it low key because the cops have been watching their house. fair enough, but we weren't trying to set your house on fire. it just doesn't make sense. he told us how he's the president of the house. jim, being drunk, challenged him, saying, "you're not gonna do anything." about 3 seconds after that, he walked away. obviously not going to do anything. asshole. some power trip.

because i contribute

2004-10-15T04:22:59Z

i just made this point on the maristonline.com board. the issue is nader. people are essentially claiming that nader, being an idealist, is useless to us. so, i felt obligated to come to the defense of idealism... and, i suppose susequently, the defense of nader........................

if i had a little more tact, i wouldn't make this post.

but there's a lot to be said about striving for the ideal. it's not about realism and idealism being dichotomous. they're not. thinking ideally is thinking about the potential of reality. what IS wrong is to think that at the snap of the fingers the real and the ideal will be perceived interchangeably -- which seems to be what you claim nader's mission is. surely, it isn't. nader would serve as the start of change.

and do any of you deny that change is necessary?

here's my argument. to me, choosing bush is like saying, "well, what we have now is good enough." while on the other hand, choosing nader is like saying, "okay, what we have now is okay, but just okay. we need something more, something different." we shouldn't just strive for what we can conceive as being real, not at all, for doing so inherently limits our possibilities. if we deny possibilities, of course things aren't going to get better, and hence your reality of how things are restricts your vision of how things can be.

it's not about attaining the ideal and saying, "okay, we have the ideal system, now we can sit back and enjoy," because as time passes, our perception of the ideal changes. it seems to me the ideal will always be out of reach, but striving for the ideal is going to put you in a better position than saying. "well, what we have now is good enough."

perhaps an analogy. take golf. say i regularly shoot 85 to 90 while par is 72. if i say that ideally i want to consistently score 10 strokes under par, i'm going to work at it, practice, try to change how i do things in order to improve. however, if i say, "ah heck, 85 is good enough," i'm not going to change anything, and my game will consistently be 85, which obviously isn't a very impressive score to most.

is anyone following me?

oh, you want more baseball?!?

2004-10-10T01:12:35Z

well, the twins fell to the yankees in the ALDS ... AGAIN. fucking yankees. okay, the yankees played well, but i'm not ready to concede that the yankees went above and beyond to TAKE the series from the twins, i think there are a lot of things the twins did poorly that sort of let the yankees take the last three games -- a lot of little things that the twins are usually known for not doing wrong.

such is life.

so now, it's all about the red sox, and i have much confidence that the red sox will take the yankees down. the twins pestered ny throughout the series, except for game 3, and their line-up doesn't nearly compare to boston's. so with ny's pitching and boston's hitting... come on. plus the red sox had a decently easy, quick sweep of the angels, so their rotation will be fresher and their players just generally a bit more rested. not to mention boston won the regular season series against the yankees.

world series: red sox vs. cardinals.

red sox in 7.

home field advantage

2004-10-05T22:31:13Z

i'm pretty sure no one who reads this is much of a baseball fan, but i was just thinking about this... after an all-star game ended in a tie a few years ago when both teams ran out of pitchers, they made it so that the league that wins the all-star game gets home field advantage in the world series. now, baseball is a team sport, and from the teams that make it to the world series, each may have had only 1 player who represented them in the all-star game, who may have even played an insignificant role in the all-star game. i'm glad that it gives the all-star game some meaning, but it's just a stupid way to determine home field advantage for the world series.

so i was thinking, instead (and i'm sure this isn't a new idea), the team with the best playoff record of the year should get home field advantage. if the two teams have the same playoff record, the team with the best regular season record should get home field advantage. that makes more sense. i'm pretty sure in the past home field advantage was first determined by which team had the best regular season record. it comes down to two teams, though, and the battle for home field advantage shouldn't be determined by a player from this team and a player from that, it should be determined by each team as a team.

adventures

2004-10-04T20:28:37Z

last night i was awoken by the rustling of a plastic bag around 2:15am. i knew it was my trash, but in my half-asleep state, all i could muster was a, "what in the fuck?" i listened to it for a bit, and i knew it had to be a mouse or rat stuck in my garbage can. i could hear it keep trying to escape up the side of the plastic bag, but slipping back down. i thought, man, if this thing is big, i'm going to be grossed out. and who knows, maybe when i turn the light on it'll freak out and finally make it's escape, then scamper frantically around my room. i put on my glasses and turned the light on. i peeped in and saw a tiny little mouse, and i realized why he wasn't able to escape -- he was just too damn tiny. as i looked at him, he stood there completely frozen, amongst snotty tissues (i've been sick), receipts, and an empty box of cigarrettes. well, hell, just look at what i saw:

not really gross... well, at least more cute than gross. i picked up the can to bring him outside. and hell, since i'm going outside, might as well have a smoke, too. i put the can on the step of the porch and tipped it over. by this point, it seemed the mouse had made himself comfortable buried at the bottom of the trash. i didn't see him run out, so i left the garbage can lying there overnight. in the morning, he was gone, replaced by dozens of scavenging ants.

by the way, i'm aware that i mixed past and present tense, i just decided i don't give a fuck.

the button popped off of my shorts yesterday

2004-10-01T04:24:57Z

the fact that there are people-made consequences is an affirmation of unimpedable free will because consequences play on our ability to choose how we act.

no?

i made up unimpedable because i couldn't find an adjective that means "unable to impede".

mmm, mucus

2004-09-30T22:04:28Z

once in a great while you find something that really changes your life.

most times, it is not a web browser.

but this time. oh... this time, it is.

for the past few months, when using IE6 (that's Internet Explorer 6 for you laypeople), i'd try to read articles and look at the standings at espn.com, and time after time, i'd get an error that would crash IE6. of course, it wouldn't just crash, it would prompt me to say an error occurred, and ask if i wanted to send an error report. sometimes i sent it thinking maybe this will help, but most often i would just click don't send. and of course, if i revisited the page that caused the crash, it would inevitably crash again. so i thought, it's been years now, there has to be something better out there. it used to be netscape and internet explorer. so i went searching for a free browser.

and here it is:

MAXTHON

that's pronounced something like max-thin... but you have to say it fast. slur it together. i figured it was max-thON, but no. maxthin.

formerly called MyIE. okay, it's based on the internet explorer engine, but it has several features that you probably never imagined having in bland old internet explorer. i praise it simply because i no longer receive those errors at espn.com. it has liberated me. so if you're not satisfied with YOUR browser, check out maxthon.

no, i'm not being paid to do this.

i need to start taking pictures again. any ideas?

sneeze

2004-09-29T03:24:14Z

i haven't written in a long fucking time. i don't know why. every time i think of writing, i wonder what i could possibly write that will interest anyone, and since i can scarcely think of anything that will even interest me, i just pass over it all assuming i'll write soon enough.

i suppose i could update everyone on what i'm doing. many of you know already, of course. well, the rest of you probably don't even give a shit, but fuck you, read about it anyway.

i was fuckin dying at home. what helped me keep my sanity at home over the summer was that jim was there, so almost every day we were either playing metal or getting drunk (or both). but then he went off to school at unh. social life from thereon was virtually non-existent. then a week after he left, my sister returned to skidmore, and at that point, i was just overwhelmed with a, "holy fuck i'm so damn pathetic, a college graduate, living at home, with my parents, with no friends even in the area." and as such the desperation led to action, and i arranged to move in with nick in hyde park (in the general area of marist). katie f. and corin still live in poughkeepsie, and it's much easier to get people to visit here than at home, so it was obviously a no-brainer.

so far, i haven't been too productive. i really intend to get going with rapidculture and continue with music. i've written a couple songs already, and now that jim has a digital recorder, he's laying down some ideas for songs that i can fool around with, which should be really good in keeping him ready when the time comes for us to put together something real.

right now, though, i have a cold, so there's no real motivation to do anything. as long as this only lasts a couple of days, i'll be happy.

at least these tissues are soft.

at least our skylight leaks.

at least i'm paying for more bills now and still don't have a job.

at least i'm not home.

come december, though, i'll have to find a new place to go.

fuck.

i'll kick my ass

2004-09-09T04:30:09Z

so frances has made her way into the northeast. her diminished winds whirl outside, spitting rain. normally i'd be entirely indifferent, but tomorrow i will finally venture away from home, and it appears my travels will be soaked. at least on thursday, anyway. rain is my most disliked driving condition. yes, even before snow. snow is fun. rain is just... wet. windows up, wipers on, puddles scattered, tires splaying water... just let me smoke a damn cigarette and take in some quality metal in comfortable isolation. i will arrive in durham, nh, on the campus of unh to visit jim for a night. friday we head for poughkeepsie (hyde park, to be more precise). happy hour's the plan -- free wings, beer, and darts. noah's was my poughkeepsie niche -- a small bar, few expectations, music quiet enough to allow you to carry on a conversation, and a lack of meatheads and dimwitted short-skirts obsessed with image and sex. if we're lucky, nick, jim and i will be fortunate enough to rendezvous with ron and brian, as well as poughkeepsie dwellers katie f. and corin, who i hear will be graced with the presence of their old housemates cara, meg, and katie a. saturday we plan to see soulfly and ill nino at the chance. it will be the first of [hopefully] many shows i attend this fall.

i nearly attempted to register to vote the other day. i heard it could be done online, so i checked it out. turns out new hampshire doesn't accept the online form. minor setback, there. gw bush has been a catastrophe, in my opinion. war mongering... the patriot act(s)... his lack of knowledge of the english language... kerry hasn't impressed me, either. i get the impression he is no more sincere than bush. nader, however... i have no complaints about him as of yet. i watched part of a speech he gave recently, after accepting a presidential nomination. he is not a smooth speaker. his demeanor does not exert complete confidence. but he encourages reform. he opposes the corporate control of washington. he doesn't come across as one talking down to people, he comes across as being of the people and for the people. i can't say i know his views on all (or any) particular subjects, though, so i can't say, "vote nader!" but don't say, "vote kerry!" just because you dislike bush, and don't say, "vote bush!" just because you don't like kerry. and don't say you're a republican if you don't have strictly republican beliefs. same with democrat. it's impossible, isn't it? are any of us really anything but independents? weigh in on the issues with a critical mind, don't simply side with the party you choose to affiliate yourself with; in other words, don't be a victim of the system. you are a unique individual, so think like one.

here's a peculiar disparity. i am entirely anti-war because i think that the correction of issues through the elimination of human life is regressive and it perpetuates a cycle of violence. i believe that no person deserves to die at the hands of another. yet there's the issue of abortion, where i believe that a woman should have the choice. now, pro-lifers argue that abortion is murder. i've never really believed it to be murder because that child -- fetus rather -- is entirely dependent on another life. okay, that's a poor argument because a newborn is obviously entirely dependent, but not on a single life. now, generally speaking, pro-lifers are conservative, right? what do conservatives also often support? war -- a defense of our way of life through the elimination of human lives. peculiar? anti-war and pro-choice versus pro-war and anti-choice. death in one hand, life in the other.

i received an email from a new record company last night. Death Overload Records. they are constructing a promotional compilation cd, and apparently gathered several (maybe 14) email addresses from artists they found on purevolume.com. they claim to have heard my songs and are offering placement on their compilation cd. the english in the email was poor, but they claim to be located in montreal, canada. i have been skeptical, so i fired back with several questions. how long has the label existed? what will their web address be? what artists have they signed? is the $55 fee due with the demo cd/press kit or only once compilation placement has been confirmed? they answered the majority of my questions, though quite briefly. i want to trust them, but i'm still not convinced. perhaps i'm being schemed for $55, or perhaps they're looking to steal material from several unsigned artists... i've asked for names and phone numbers. if it's legit, and i pass this opportunity up out of skepticism, i'll kick my ass. perhaps i should just be flattered and decline, choosing to build something local and direct. that would be more gratifying, too. i will ask them 1000 questions, and if they fail to respond adequately, i'll give a wave.

good enough

2004-09-05T20:01:47Z

in 11 games of straight cricket (by myself, 20-15 and bullseye in order), i had an accuracy of 50.88%

i think i threw him off the bridge.

2004-09-05T13:46:08Z

the back roads to who knows where were snowy. we were away from civilization, but not too far, maybe a mile or two in any direction. we drove over a hill, and another car was heading toward us around the curve at the bottom of the hill. i got a sense that this had happened before, a firey crash that killed at least me. just before our cars collided (i was in the back seat on the right), i jumped out into the snow. i watched as the two cars collided and rolled to a stop not far from me. the car we hit looked like a blue subaru with 5 or 6 gangster types inside. on the ground lied two automatic guns, perhaps uzis. my sister (she must have jumped out or survived the crash) and i each picked up a gun. i looked at the gangsters, who appeared injured, but not dead. as they crawled from the wreckage, i put several rounds into each one's chest. my sister said, "i thought you said you would try to save them all..." i remembered having said that, and felt i would try to do that when we had discussed it hypothetically at some point prior, but i couldn't explain why i had changed my mind. i wasn't concerned about what i did, though, save for the chance that authorities would be looking for us. as we walked away, i figured they would call our house to try to find out what happened since no one would be there to account for the second vehicle (dead or alive). then i remembered our parents were in the car. and when i say remembered, i probably invented that to make the idea of the authorities looking for me less of a possibility. i stuffed the uzi in my pocket, and my sister and i made our way back to... somewhere... later on, we were walking through a city at night, as were several other people, seemingly in the same direction. i soon realized it was minneapolis, and i knew my way around. i also invented the idea that there was a memorial for our parents in the sculpture garden. the accident scene had made the news, obviously, and people were sad about the middle aged couple who passed away in an accident with a subaru full of gangsters. we had to pass through tunnels, and all sorts of law enforcement people were around (mostly men in fatigues), and we just kept our eyes down and slipped by them all. bored teenagers milled in the tunnels, mumbling to the passersby. one decided to follow me to try to pick a fight. i just kept walking. i can't remember what he said, but i told him he should try jumping off the bridge (the one that goes from loring park to the sculpture garden, over 8 lanes of road that connect downtown to I-94). he followed us on the wooden bridge, and my sister kept walking while i lagged behind a bit to make sure the guy following us kept his distance.